The Commonwealth of Incredible States

A page from Trump’s journal.

CIS v2: Finally, a better Commonwealth—everyone’s saying it’s tremendous, much better than Russia’s CIS.

Canada First: Acquire Canada peacefully (they’ll thank me later), tapping into their endless syrup reserves.

Hockey Diplomacy: Control global hockey—everyone knows who controls hockey controls the ice.

Maple Wall: Build a wall of maple trees along the northern border; Canada pays, obviously.

Politeness as Strategy: Canadians handle diplomacy; no one argues with someone apologizing constantly.

Russia Impressed: Even Putin says, “This was my idea, but Trump made it better—fantastic!”

Next step: Greenland—because we all know how much I love Greenland.

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